Competiton

Ahhh yes. You can't work retail without having to deal with "competition". It comes in many forms, but no matter where it is, we have to deal with it.

I hear about it more at the supermarket, than I do at that bookstore. Customers always like to remind us about our competitors. I really love the ones that say, "Oh, well, Market Basket is cheaper", "Market Basket this, Market Basket that". Here's the thing, if it's cheaper and you like it so much better, maybe you should go there..... Seriously, customers think that we really give a rat's ass where they shop. I remember one time, I had a lady say, "I can get just as much food, for half as much money at Market Basket." So, me, being the smart-ass that I am, (because it's better to be a smart-ass, than a dumb prick), said to her, "Yeah, but you also get half the quality of customer service." Again, she reiterated what she said.


I honestly don't care where I shop for my food. I'll go wherever I'm closer to. Usually S&S, because, oh wait, that's right, I work there. I do have to say, S&S isn't near as expensive as Shaws.

I don't care if people threaten to shop elsewhere, in fact,when they say they're never shopping there again, I'd love to pull out a contract stating as such, "Here, can you sign and date this." Please, you'll be doing us all a favor. That' when you call the other store ahead of time and warn them. Then we end up seeing the same people shopping there in the future. I guess it must not be that bad if they come back.

So, I guess that really wasn't as long as I had expected it to be. But it doesn't matter. It'll do for the time being.

WIC

Ok, so this is a topic that really gets my goat. It's WIC. WIC is to help people purchase food for their snot-nosed evil and rambunctious spawn. The food on the WIC checks is healthy food, so that parents can help raise children nutritiously. However, there are very strict rules when it comes to using them. Only certain products can be purchased. Take milk for an example, milk is an approved WIC item, as long as it is the cheapest brand. The cheapest brand here, usually refers to store brand. There are many customers that try buying a more expensive brand. When you tell them they have to get the store brand, some get all defensive and say, "Well, I always get this." or, "The other stores let me get it." Well, sorry. NO. Stop lying, you know damn well what you're doing.

Another common item that people fudge up is the cheese. The cheese, I will admit is very confusing. But the people in the WIC office, as far as I know, go over everything that they have to in terms of what can and can't be bought. Now, back to the cheese. Processed American cheese is "bad" for you, so it is not approved. However, other packaged American cheese, is approved. Strange.

Baby formula. Most checks will say, 3 cans of X Y OR 3 cans of X Z (Where X=Brand, and Y&Z= formula type). Some people think that the check is for 6 cans. They read the "OR" as, "AND".

Juice. Only 100% juice is allowed. This means, any frozen juice mix, has to have the yellow ring. It's on there for a reason. So you know that it's not from concentrate. Or, you could just buy JuicyJuice, because, 1, it's 100% juice, and 2, it's damn good.

Cereal. NON-sugar cereals are allowed.. Sorry folks, you can't buy your fledglings CocoaPuffs. They have enough God Damned energy as is. Just because Cheerios is on the check, doesn't mean it's for Fruity Cheerios (and yes, they do have them.) "Oh, hey look, Fruity Cheerios! Cheerios are healthy, so Cheerios with fruit must be even healthier!" Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

I don't know if people know this or not, but if WIC catches wind that people are trying to purcharse the wrong items, that their privileges can be taken away from them. Not only that, but stores that accept WIC, actually lose money on items that are sold that shouldn't be. AND, not only can WIC clients lose their rights, but stores can lose their rights to accept WIC. If that happens, there will be a lot of pissed of customers. But they'll have no one to blame but themselves.

While WIC isn't hard to ring up, it's a lengthy process. If the customer doesn't have their Gold Card, the WIC order can NOT be processed. I don't make the rules. If the check doesn't start for another 2 days, it can not be taken. Same goes for if the check ended 2 days prior.

STOP TRYING TO CHEAT THE SYSTEM!

I know some people actually do need it, and that they actually follow the rules. When you but what you're supposed to, and do as you were instructed, it's fine. But when you fuck us over, you fuck everyone else that is actually honest over too. Also, for the love of all that is holy, stop holding up the lines, people want to get out of the store as quickly as possible.

Closing Time

"Attention shoppers, the time is now 8:30, and Stop&Shop will be closing in half an hour. Please plan your shopping accordingly, and bring all items to the front of the store. As always hank you for shopping at Stop&Shop."

Ah, the closing page. Whenever I close the store,I always start the closing pages at half past the hour before we close. I then make one a quarter of, ten of, five of, and finally the closing closing page. While great for traffic flow and ridding the store of the people that pay our bills, there is always one or more straggler that over stays their welcome. Introducing the straggler. They linger, looking at multiple products, and ensure that employees do not get out of work at a decent time. There's no real way to get rid of them. Whenever we have stragglers in the store, I always approach them, "Is there anything I can help you find?..." In an overly friendly manner. "No? Oh, ok, well, we're closing in X number of minutes." Sometimes we have people still in the store even after it's supposed to be closed. Those are the one's that usually ask, "Oh, you close at 9? I thought you were 24hours" and act all surprised.

"No, no we don't close at 9, I've just been making pages for the past half hour, just to hear myself speak." While I know I can't actually say such a thing, I just keep it in my head.

It often makes me wonder how those "lovely customers" would react if someone was to stay behind wherever they worked. It's more of an annoyance than a big deal. Most employees want to get as far away from where they work as fast as possible as soon as the store is closed.

Since we can no longer try and control "traffic flow", by locking on side of the store an hour before we close, it makes it far more difficult to keep tabs on how many people are left in the store. When people ask why one side of the store is locked, I simply tell them, "Oh, we have to lock this side up early for security reasons." They usually buy it,but it's the same people every single time, that try coming in on the side we lock up.

It's an unavoidable thing, but I felt the need to share.

Nicknames

Face it, if you work retail, you're bound to have repeat customers (especially in a supermarket.) Now, not all these repeat customers are bad. But it's the ones that are that we remember most. They all seem to have personality traits that [most] every employee in the store picks up on. It's those customers that earn nicknames, that when mentioned, people will know exactly who is being talked about. They're good to warn your fellow associates to be on the look out. Since I deal with more customers at the supermarket, I will only refer to those customers. Some customers have different nick-names, depending on who you're talking to. I will try and list those that I can think of.

Tissue Guy: Tissue guy comes into the store at least 4 times a week. Each time he does, he buys multiple packages of multi-pack tissues. My thought is that he sells them at his own place (assuming he has a store of his own), that or his allergies are constantly in hyper-drive, in which case he should consider seeing a doctor. He always goes through the self-scan registers. He will then proceed to the service desk and complain about prices not coming off. But he'll purposely forget to use his savings card. He also likes to do Western Union. He uses a license that expired 5 years ago. No sense trying to talk to him. NOTE: I did not make these names for the customers. I learned them, and now use them.

Googly-Eyes (a.k.a. The Chameleon): This woman likes to come into the store and take stuff off the shelf. Then she tries returning it. Obviously she has no receipt. (We have a no hassle return policy). Well, her eyes are never looking at you. They're always all over the place. Sketchy. She'll come into the store again later to try and return something else if she gets denied the first time. Always has a drunken look to her too.

Two-Tooth: I don't really have a problem with this customer. But she has 2 teeth, and she's always trying to scam the lottery saying tickets that are actually losers are supposed to be winners. She's about 4'4" and always has on a winter hat.

Dear Lady: This woman is really a sweet-heart. But she spends at least 3 hours at a time in the store playing scratch tickets. She calls everyone "Dear". I don't know why people avoid her. I've gotten into the habit of calling her "Dea". (Granted it's more for the amusement of my co-workers, but she doesn't need to know) I guess I could call her "darling" or something. She's almost always wearing a heavy coat. Even in hot weather.

Ok, so that's only four, but it's all I can think of for now. When creating nicknames it' about capturing a certain personality trait or feature. Something that sets the customer apart. Yes, it is an ass-hole thing to do, but we need to keep entertained some how.

Hiatus

I apologize for my long hiatus. I was unable to update as often as I wanted to. Here's to hoping that will all change.

Attitude

What is it with people dropping the attitude card every time they're pissed off?

Tonight I had a lovely female customer. She came to my register, I asked if she had a membership, she gave me the phone number. It wasn't on file. The same thing happened with 2 other phone numbers. So I went under our other menu that takes 3 extra steps just to attempt to find the account. I asked for her last name and zip code. I found the number. I offered to update the information for her. I started to say, "I recommend using a home number so anyone in the family can use it." But, I couldn't even finish, she started yelling at me. "I don't have a land-line, I use a cell phone." So I asked what number she wanted to use, and she continued yelling, "I don't like your attitude, you've had an attitude with me from the moment I came to your line." So, I simply apologized, told her I didn't think I was giving her attitude, I was just giving her a suggestion. She flipped out on me and I could tell she was ready to walk off. Anyhow, I finished what I had to with her and her order. I told her to have a pleasant evening and try and keep warm.

Well, customers in line were just dumbfounded. One of them said that the lady was really nasty. Another lady came up to me and said that she heard the whole thing. She told me I handled it quite well and she knows what it's like getting yelled at like that. (She's been a teacher for 35 years). My co-worker that was standing right next to me even went to find the manager after her shift just to tell them what happened. So, it was just a minor inconvenience. The woman was probably having a bad day and needed to take it out on someone else. That, or her menopause was in hyper-drive. I love killing customers like that with kindness.

NOW, onto what I wanted to say about customer dropping the "Attitude Card". It seems like anytime a customer feels like they've been dis-serviced, they feel the need to say they were given attitude. But the thing is, it's their way of putting up a further fight than really needs to be given. Sure, there are plenty of times when I've wanted , (and sometimes I actually have), to give customers attitude. It's like I say after they leave, "They haven't even begun to see my attitude." I can be down right nasty to people that incur my wrath. The funny thing is, the ones that scream "ATTITUDE" the loudest, are usually the only ones giving attitude.

We've all seen it or experienced it before. The people that act like that, usually have no retail [work] experience whatsoever. It doesn't really bother me too much, I just find it really funny. Here's the kicker though, in the end, the people end up making themselves look like the assholes, which is quite alright with me.

A Letter of Concern

Dear Joe Shmoe and Jane Doe,

I am writing to to you today to let you know why your decision to steal from us was bad. No, I'm not talking about the moral implications that will doom your pathetic wretched soul to a fiery inferno (Hell, Hades, lower world, underworld, the bottomless pit, brimstone, et al). I'm talking about the socioeconomic factors if you will.

Remember that time you bought a delicious cake from us? You ate 3/4 of it, and then returned it to the store because it was "bad"?
Or that time when you went over to the baby formula and piled it into your cart?
How about when "bought" an item at another store and returned it to us, because you know we don't check receipts?

You guessed it, you were stealing.

How about that time you bought a book, and brought it home, read it, and returned it the next day?
Do you have any recollection of that time you bought a book, then brought it to your car. After which you came back into the store with just the receipt and got a copy of the same book to return?

You say you are unaware of the return policy. You pocket items that don't rightfully belong to you. You short change us. You are well aware of what you are doing. But only in the short term. You see it as a quick easy gain for yourself. You make a quick buck.

But here's the kicker to it all. You may not realize it, but your screwing not only yourself, but your friends, family and co-workers as well. You see, when you decided to steal from us, you just made it harder for everyone around you to come into our store(s). When you steal from us, you drive up our prices. In our failing economy, people are a lot tighter with the little money they have. So when your mother, father, and best friend, go to spend the money they worked so hard to earn, they end up paying more than they have to.

Our company needs to make up for your ignorance. But that's ok. We know just who you are. We've dealt with your kind before. When it comes down to it, we just ban you from shopping at our location. It's not like we lose a paying customer anyways.

So, please, the next time you're in line at a store wondering why the prices are so high, simply thank yourself, and reconsider your actions.

Yours truly,
~Your Local Retail Employee

All Hail the Big-Wigs!

What is it with companies freaking out anytime the higher ups, (Big-Wigs, Upper Management, The Bosses Boss, *insert your choice here*) are scheduled to arrive at a store? All this week S&S has been on tenterhooks,ummm... on edge, just because we're "having company".

The store has been going into hyper-drive just to prepare for their arrival. As it is the competition up the street from my store (*cough cough* Shaws *cough cough*), is closing. Bad for them,(no explanation needed), and well, both good(extra business), and bad(extra work for shlubs like myself), for S&S.

Now, that's all fine and dandy. As I was saying before I interrupted myself as I am wont to do, we've been preparing for them. The store has been thoroughly scrubbed down in every way imaginable. Places were cleaned that haven't seen the light of day in God only knows how long. Places were washed, scrubbed, accosted by cleaning tools, and gone over again. The people with OCD went down and fixed the high traffic aisles, facing all the boxes. The conference room was decorated in what looks like the spawn of Hallmark and Cupid in gaudy pinks, reds in whites. Hearts, balloons, flowers and the like.(Though Eileen did a wonderful job at it. [Don't even get me started on a holiday that is to commemorate a man that was beaten with clubs, stoned, and then behead. If you don't believe me, look it up.]) The carpets were vacuumed, and washed. The windows cleaned. The sidewalks swept. All in all, I believe the store is set to go.

Now, here's where the kicker to the whole situation is. In all my time of working for the company, I'd say about 80% of the time when company is "coming to the store", they don't show up. Yes, that's right, you did read that correctly. So, here's what I'm wondering, are we doing the cleaning just to appease the management at store level? It's like it's some kind of cruel joke and the peons are the punchline? You'd think that after having working there so long, that I'd finally get the joke and be able to laugh.... Yet, there is the occasions in which the big wigs and company actually do show up. However,they are rarely seen around the store, they are a mysterious group of individuals indeed.

Membership Rant

So, today at "the barn", I had to sit with the managers in the office and have a "discussion". Apparently my membership sales are way too low. B&N recently changed it so that the head-cashiers no longer need to track member card sales of the booksellers. Which, is good and bad. Good because it's less work. Bad because the district manager gets to see all the card sales.

Let me digress for just a moment. At B&N, a member card is a savings card. The membership costs 25$ a year. It saves you 10% off at least everything, 20% off ADULT hard-cover, and 40% hard-cover best sellers. It's good online, in the music department, and in the cafe (which is not a Starbucks, but sells Starbucks products). It is actually quite worth it for someone that is an avid reader.

Now, back to where I was going. Well, as a head-cashier, we need to have more member card sales than other people, because we need to set an example. Ok..... Let me just point out that there's at least 3 hours when we aren't actually on cash-wrap, thus making it quite difficult to sell memberships. We have some people at my location that are, ummm... well,... I can't put it nicely. She basically forces people to buy the card. So her sales are far higher than, someone else's. Like me.

Back to the meeting. The managers told me that I need to increase my member card sales. I have to be at at least 2.0% average by the end of February. That's at least 2 NEW cards every 100 transactions. Yeah. Fun. If a customer doesn't want a card, then I'm not going to sell it to them. End of story.

Carriage Please

So tonight I had the wonderful privilege of getting reported by a customer. Oh joy of joys!!!

Here goes:

I was bagging for a customer, as it is somewhat expected considering it is a supermarket, after all. Well, the woman was just standing gabbing away to her friend. With empty carriage in hand. With that being said, her groceries were piling up and I had no more room. So, I just politely asked, "Can you please push your carriage through?..." The woman just looked at me with contempt and said, "You can stop bagging if it's going to stress you out." Well, that was uncalled for, so, under my breath, I simply said, "Excuse me". Well, the woman went to the service desk requesting to speak to a manager. I kept bagging her stuff, and she said, ""Stop. I don't want your hands on my shit, so stop bagging." So, just to please her I went to bag for another customer. Well, being the snarky prick that I am, as she was walking by, I told her to have a good afternoon.

After the wonderful woman left, I went up to the manager and told him I wasn't being rude, and that all I did was ask for her carriage. He said he knew,and that having worked for S&S for so long, that I know how things go. People like to be apologized to and have things rectified. Well, anyways, according to the girl behind the desk, the woman's friend thought that when I mumbled under my breath, that I had said, "Fuck You", to the nasty lady. I guess she's not a very good lip reader or something.

This just further proves the point that people that are in a bad mood need to take it out on someone else. But it's ok, honestly, because people like that always end up making themselves look like fools.

A brief description of Barnes&Noble

Barnes&Noble, as you may or may not know, is a bookstore. I have been employed with the company since November 2007. I started as a bookseller. I shelved books, I zoned books (took books off of shelves). I worked the cash-wrap. About 3 weeks after starting, as I was working the cash-wrap one day, the head-cashier asked me if I'd like to be a head-cashier. I thought she was kidding. She wasn't. So, long story short, after having been there maybe a month, I had already gotten myself a promotion. As a head-cashier,I've had the pleasure of dealing with some, "wonderful" customers. It seems like I just started there, but after having recently had my 1 year anniversary, I decided that there are too many great stories of events that transpire, and they need to be recorded. So, here it is, with this blog, they will be writ.

A brief description of Stop&Shop

Stop&Shop, as you may or may not know, is a supermarket. I have been employed with the company since June 27th of 2000. When I first started working for them, I was a bagger and a cart pusher (Carriage Retrieval Engineer). I did that job for about a year and a half. A manager I was working with at the time, decided he wanted me to be in grocery. I flat out said no. He asked what I wanted to do, and I said bakery. So, I went directly to the bakery without learning the register. No big deal. After I had been in the bakery department for, a couple of years, a new store opened. I transfered to the new store, and started right in the bakery. After being there for just over 2 years or so,they decided they were going to train me for the register, "in case it got busy". Well, after doing that for about a month, they approached me with the opportunity for a promotion. They needed another CDH (Cash Department Head [Certified Dick Holder]), because one was leaving for maternity leave. So I took the position. Now, I no longer work in the bakery department, and am back on the front end, right where I started. Let's just say, the 25cent raise, is well, not worth the headache. CDH, has actually been labeled as "the most stressful job in the company". Even by the higher ups. They say the same thing.

I have to say, after what is currently, 8 1/2 years of working for them, it has it's perks. My benefits are great. Free health care, free dental. 3 weeks payed vacation. A lot of holiday pay. I've made some great friends over the years.

There are far too many stories that have no yet been recorded, and that is my plans with this blog.